Loss and grief are a part of life, but that doesn’t make them any easier to navigate. For John Butt, the passing of his beloved wife Dorothy left a gaping hole in his life. But as he adjusted to his new reality, he found comfort in an unexpected place: Waipuna Hospice’s Bereavement Support Group.
Waipuna Hospice’s Bereavement Support Group offers a compassionate and supportive environment where those grieving the loss of a loved one can share their stories, connect with others who are also learning to cope with grief and find comfort in a community that cares. This group provides a safe space for people to navigate the journey of grief at their own pace. It’s one of the ways we support those dealing with grief as they learn to live with their loss and find a way forward. John Butt, who lost his wife Dorothy after a 50-year love story, has experienced this first-hand.
“I come along every Wednesday to Waipuna Hospice and I get to be part of something again and talk to people,” John explains. “It’s nice to know I am not alone in what I’m going through. I can talk about things like being with Dorothy when she took her last breath, and know they get it.”
John’s story is a powerful example of the impact of our bereavement group.
“Dorothy lived a very chequered life, with lots of bumps and challenges along the way,” John reflected. “But she was an adventurous soul who enjoyed tramping, cycling, camping, harness driving with horses, driving the school bus which she did for 33 years, and spending time with her children. We had seven of them between us. Together, we took on many adventures across New Zealand.”
Five years ago, Dorothy had a stroke, and her health began declining. John became her primary caregiver, dedicating himself to her care and well-being. As her condition worsened, they faced new challenges together.
“She couldn’t do a lot anymore, and I had to take on more responsibilities,” John said. “I started cooking all the meals, and eventually, I had to feed her. We had a carer come in to help get her out of bed and bathe her. I stopped work to care for her full-time.”
When Dorothy’s illness progressed, she was admitted to the Hospital where they confirmed she had bladder cancer. She never went home again. Dorothy was discharged to Waipuna Hospice to get her symptoms under control.
“By this point, it was very difficult to understand what she was saying when she spoke, but she seemed happy while in hospice care” John reflects. “Our family could visit, and I was even able to stay the night with her on a fold-down bed.”
Waipuna Hospice continued supporting Dorothy once she was transferred to Radius Matua, and John visited her as often as possible. He once counted his visits, saying it was approximately 70.
But when Dorothy took her last breath, John lost his best friend and faced a new sense of loneliness.
“I really miss having someone to talk to and cuddle,” John said, with emotion in his voice. “Dorothy was a very affectionate person, and I miss that. You know, today is the first time I have spoken to someone since Sunday unless you count the checkout operator at the supermarket. That’s almost four days of not talking to another person, which I struggle with.”
Our bereavement group has been a lifeline for John, providing a space to share his story and connect with others who understand his grief and loneliness.
“Losing Dorothy changed everything. All of a sudden there were holes that she would have filled. I had to learn how to use a computer and how to do the banking. Then at night when I sat down to have a meal, I was alone.”
“But I know that once a week I can come sit here with people going through a similar thing to me. I have people to talk to that understand what I am going through.“
Our Bereavement Support Group meets every Wednesday at 10:30am, providing a safe and supportive space for those navigating grief. This group is a vital part of our support services, empowering family members, friends, and carers of our patients to share their experiences and thoughts about grief and find a way forward. If you’re interested in learning more or know someone who would benefit from joining our community of support, please get in touch with us on 07 552 4380 ext. 218 or email bereavement@waipunahospice.org.nz.
We want to say a huge thank you to John for sharing his story with us.
If you would like to support people like John, who are dealing with the grief of losing a loved one, you can donate to Waipuna Hospice and help us continue running this service.
This story was originally published in Waipuna Connections Issue 87.