Hospice turned out to be a lifeline for the whole family
This is Steve and Jude’s hospice journey as told by Jude.
Steve was straight up, vibrant, and full of life. He was the master of the karaoke microphone, the life of every party, and always the last man standing. He filled our life with so much love and laughter; he was the best husband and an incredible father to our two children. Steve was deeply loved by everyone who knew him.
Steve and I were both born and raised in Te Puke, we went to school together, and our paths continued to cross off and on until we ended up in Perth together and officially started dating.
We eventually settled back in Te Puke, had two children, Jamie and Ben, got married, and built a life grounded in family and community. Steve worked in the kiwifruit industry for many years, before starting his own business, and volunteered for 14 years as a voluntary fireman for the Te Puke Fire Brigade.
Our whole family became part of the fire brigade community. They were a social bunch, often coming together for big family gatherings and celebrations. Our children grew up surrounded with that sense of belonging.
The other true love in Steve’s life, was his boat and his passion for fishing. We would often go trout fishing, spending the night on the water. It was a place of many treasured family memories, it’s even where our daughter Jamie got engaged!
Throughout our years together, Steve stood beside me as I successfully battled breast cancer, twice! We were no strangers to the world of cancer.
So, when Steve was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2023, we weren’t too worried, we figured he would have some treatment like I had previously, and life would carry on.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t going to be the case for Steve.
His first scan showed it was already in his glands, which wasn’t a good sign.
He underwent chemotherapy and radiation, and even tried a costly, unfunded medication. None of it worked. His cancer was aggressive and continued to progress.
The cancer spread to his bones next and as his health declined, one of the hardest things for Steve was losing the ability to do the things he loved most. We tried to do some travelling and make memories together, but as the weeks rolled on, Steve’s legs started to swell, the pain increased, and he grew more and more uncomfortable.
I later found emails Steve had sent to himself, knowing I would find them one day. He wrote about his anger and disappointment, questioning why he went through all that treatment, why didn’t he choose quality of life instead.
His life had changed abruptly, his body was failing him, and that was incredibly hard for him to come to terms with.
He refused to give up, and he also refused to miss out. Every year, Steve and his fishing buddies would compete in the Kubota Classic Billfish Competition, and in 2022 they won a trip to Hawaii. Steve had been told he couldn’t travel that far – but missing out on that trip was never an option.
Despite how unwell he was, he went anyway. The boys rallied around him, and even thought it was a challenge, he loved every minute of it.
My sister Christine was there for us throughout this whole journey, as a District Nurse her knowledge and expertise was invaluable.
By 2024, the cancer had spread into Steve’s spine and was causing great amounts of pain and immobility. After three hospital stays, Christine suggested it was time to call hospice for help.
Steve had been afraid of bringing in hospice, in his mind, it was a place you go to die, and he wasn’t ready to admit defeat. But hospice turned out to be a lifeline, for our whole family.
Before Waipuna Hospice came on board, caring for Steve at home, managing medications and appointments, was becoming overwhelming.
I think we could have benefitted from hospice support earlier, I was floundering. There were three times I had to call them in the middle of the night. Having someone to call who listened and truly understood was the lifeline we needed.
The hospice nurses helped me manage Steve’s pain, advised when to give more medication, and helped me decided when it was time to call the ambulance.
One morning, after calling hospice overnight, we woke to two missed calls – one at 3am and one at 5am. They were just checking in on how Steve was. They truly understood and cared, and that meant the world to him.
Steve grew especially fond of his hospice nurses. He valued how they listened, understood him, validated his feelings, and respected his wishes. Hospice provided everything we needed to keep Steve comfortable at home, including a hospital bed, walker, wheelchair, commode, and shower aids.
They made it easier to cope, and they kept him out of hospital, which is what he wanted.
I just really appreciated the support we had; it was absolutely incredible – to be there 24/7, not just for Steve as the patient, but for me and the ones around him, I didn’t know that was going to be so great.
My one piece of advice to anybody with cancer, is to contact hospice early, to see if you need them. Because I wish we had got hospice involved sooner.
Six months later, Steve’s hospice nurses still remember him fondly. “It was always such a beautiful home and environment to visit,” recalls Kassia, one of the Waipuna Hospice Community Nurses. Nurse Jackie remembers, “there was so much laughter and joy in the home, and cake, he loved cake!”
Because of the generosity of kind people like you, Steve was able to stay at home, cared for with dignity, comfort, and compassion, surrounded by the people he loved most. For Jude and their family, hospice didn’t mean giving up. It meant support, reassurance, and knowing they were not alone.
If you can, please make a donation today.
Your support ensures families don’t have to navigate their hardest moments alone. It allows hospice to be there, at 3am, at 5am, and every moment in between.
