Beyond the Patient: Hanneke’s Hospice Story
When people think of hospice care, they often picture medical support at the very end of life. But for many, hospice care extends far beyond the patient, providing guidance, comfort and ongoing support for those left behind.
For Ōmokoroa local Hanneke de Graaf, Waipuna Hospice became part of her family’s journey after her husband, Adrian, was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
A Waipuna Hospice nurse and social worker visited the couple at home over 10 days, helping them navigate difficult conversations and prepare for what lay ahead.
“They asked him if he knew he was going to die,” Hanneke recalls. “I found this openness liberating and was impressed with their handling of the conversation.”
As Adrian’s needs increased, it became clear he required around-the-clock care. With no capacity at the Waipuna Hospice In-patient Unit, Adrian transitioned into care at Radius Matua, where he spent his final weeks.
Reflecting on their experience, Hanneke says, “Waipuna Hospice is a fantastic, caring organisation, and it’s not just somewhere you go to die. It’s so much more than that.”
What really stood out to Hanneke was that Waipuna Hospice’s care didn’t end with Adrian. It continued with her.
Through Waipuna Hospice’s free counselling service, she found a safe space to grieve, helping her navigate the complex journey of losing a loved one.
“So many emotions controlled me that I did not know if I was coming or going,” she says. “I booked in to see Julia, a counsellor at Waipuna Hospice, and I am so glad I did.”
“I was listened to. I cried. I felt relieved that everything was totally acceptable – what I went through, what I did or did not do.”
She returned for further counselling after Adrian’s death, finding the same empathy and understanding that had supported them throughout his illness.
“Like the first time, I was listened to. No wisecracks, no trying to uplift me. But empathy with all those emotions, recognising them and helping me to find clarity… not to forget the emotions, but to work through them and live with the grieving process in all its facets.”
For Julia Milne, Counsellor at Waipuna Hospice, this support is about meeting people where they are.
“As counsellors, we are so privileged to be allowed into that profound and sacred space with our patients and families. That most vulnerable space where we share their hopes and fears as they work to make sense of their journey into dying and death.”
“Our work may be to help people figure out their thoughts, find the words to express them, learn ways to relax in the face of great challenges, or it may be to simply listen.”
Hanneke’s story is a reminder that our care doesn’t end with the patient. Grief doesn’t follow a timetable, and family support often continues after a loved one has died.
Waipuna Hospice’s counselling service is available free of charge to families and whānau, providing a safe space to process loss and navigate life after bereavement.
Alongside counselling, bereavement support groups in Te Puna, and now Katikati and Te Puke, offer the opportunity to connect with others who understand the journey of grief.
As Julia explains, “Grief is the way we adjust to the physical loss of someone we love, and it can be hard to believe that anything will ever be okay again. It may also be a time when old wounds reopen, which feels even more painful.
Together with my colleagues Rata and Karen, we help people navigate through their grief, and we see it as a privilege to do so.”
Every journey is different, but no one should have to navigate it alone. Click here to learn more about our family support services.
Support like Hanneke received is only possible because of the generosity of our community. By joining our regular giving programme, you can help ensure more people receive the same compassionate care and support when they need it most. Please become a regular giver today.
Alongside counselling, Hanneke found comfort in expressing her thoughts through writing. She has kindly shared The Dream, a personal reflection on the loss of her beloved Adrian.
The Dream – Hanneke de Graaf
A few years back
I had this recurring dream.
You and I walked in a town
suddenly you disappeared.
I looked everywhere for you
street in street out
climbing over rubble
pushing my way through crowds.
I awoke and you were asleep
next to me.
At breakfast I told you my dream and
you said I will never leave you.
And then you did leave me.
I watched your last breath
like a deep sigh.
The dream never returned
We want to say a huge thank you to Hanneke for sharing her story with us, and to everyone who continues to support Waipuna Hospice.
Your donations make it possible for us to care for people like Hanneke and Adrian.